


Home Free

by asaloki



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Brother Feels, Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-22 02:44:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/907962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asaloki/pseuds/asaloki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div>
  <p>It’s been over a week since Thor last saw Loki… Since Thor turned his back on his little brother and walked home alone. That it had been at Loki’s insistence offers him no consolation.</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://waldostiel.tumblr.com)

It’s been over a week since Thor last saw Loki… Since Thor turned his back on his little brother and walked home alone. That it had been at Loki’s insistence offers him no consolation. He should have tried harder, Thor thinks. He should have known better than to let Loki’s barbed words cut him as they did. He should have—but it’s too late for should haves.

Loki remains hidden to him now. Whether it’s out of spite or self-consciousness, Thor knows not. He feels remorse, though, all the same. That Loki should feel forsaken by him when he has known so much abandonment already in his life… It makes Thor’s heart clench, his stomach tie itself in uncomfortable knots.

He never wanted it to be like this.

He never wanted to lose his brother.

He never wanted— “Thor.”

Hearing the familiar voice, Thor looks up so fast his neck protests the movement. Sure enough, Loki stands there. He looks incredibly bored but Thor knows better than to believe this surface indifference. “Loki,” he breathes. He can’t help but stare, worried that this is an illusion soon to shatter before him, that his brother will be lost to him once more.

It would be his own fault.

Loki frowns. “You’re catching flies, Thor,” he remarks, disdainful. There’s a short pause before he speaks again, irritated by Thor’s continued gawking and the uncomfortable silence that accompanies it. “You’re the one who invited me here.”

He means it as an accusation.

Sheepish, Thor confesses, “I didn’t think you’d turn up.”

Loki sniffs, chin lifted in that familiar defiance. “There’s still time for me to leave again,” he reminds. He almost smiles when Thor’s eyes immediately widen, his hand reaching for Loki’s arm on instinct, to keep him there… Almost. “I won’t,” he says, softer, a moment later, soothing over the ache his previous words caused. “There are only so many phone calls from you that I can bear in a day.”

Unabashed, Thor beams. “Perhaps if you answered once in a while, there wouldn’t be so many, brother.”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?”

Thor’s bright smile dims some at his brother’s harsh tone. “I’m glad you’re here,” he tells Loki, sincere and hopeful that Loki will not dismiss his words as he so often does. “I’ve missed you.”

Loki chews at the inside of his cheek, looks to the side. “It’s been quiet without you,” he mentions, choosing his words carefully, and it’s as close to an I-miss-you-too as Thor can hope to get. As it is, his cheeks already start to ache with the force of his answering smile. Loki huffs when he notices. “You should know that I actually prefer the quiet, idiot. Don’t look so pleased!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I never wanted to be your brother,” he hisses, leaning into Thor’s space so he can whisper the callous words into his ear, lies mixed in with truth so effortlessly, so smoothly. “I was _glad_ when the old fool told me that we share no blood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](http://waldostiel.tumblr.com)

Loki is stubborn and evasive whenever Thor tries to wheedle information from him about where he lives and who he lives with. Loki has allowed his older brother back into his life but the delicate rebuild of their relationship is dependant on his terms – not Thor’s – and there are certain conversations he still refuses to have. Thor’s concern for Loki’s current accommodation, though, is not an unwarranted concern, no matter Loki’s dismissal. Loki has never been one for friends, after all, and the idea of him living with people he doesn’t even know… Thor doesn’t like to think about it… In fact, he can’t bear to think of Loki living with _anyone_ who isn’t him.

It’s family that Loki needs. Thor’s sure of it—he’s sure that once Loki returns home, all will be well between them. As much as Thor has avoided the inevitable for the last weeks, he knows he can’t avoid it forever. “Loki,” he starts, turning to face his brother as he does so.

Loki is working on Thor’s homework, his brow knitted in concentration. Normally, he would insist on Thor doing it himself. It’s because of his apparent amenable mood that Thor decides it’s time to talk about what both of them have so far avoided. “Yes?” Loki asks, looking up when the other does not immediately elaborate. Taking in Thor’s expression, Loki sighs. “Must we do this now?”

“Loki,” Thor repeats, one hand coming to rest on Loki’s neck, forcing him to look. “ _Please_.”

Loki looks at Thor for a long while, considering. When he nods, the movement is so small it’s almost missed. “Fine,” he relents. “You can talk but I make no promises that I’ll choose to listen.”

It’s enough for Thor. He keeps his hand on Loki’s neck even so, knows how difficult this conversation is for Loki. “You should come home,” he begins with some trepidation. He hastens to continue, able to hear the protest in Loki’s answering scoff. “You could come over while Dad’s at work, see Mum… She misses you, Loki.”

Loki pulls back from Thor’s touch, drops the half-done homework and stands. There’s sadness in his eyes and it hurts Thor to see it. “Why should she?” He demands, the words bitter. “I’m not her son. I’m not… I’m…” He licks his lips, averts his gaze, conflicted. “I’m nothing.”

“You were happy once,” Thor tries to reason.

Loki laughs and Thor’s hopes are dashed. There’s no reasoning with Loki when he’s like this, he knows. “Happy? I was never happy… I was forever in your shadow, second best to the golden first son… Nothing has changed since then, Thor, only that I know now the reason Da— Odin… The reason he always loved you best… I was never his son at all. He never even wanted me. He said as much… He said…” Loki falters in his rant.

“Loki,” Thor whispers, unsure of what else he can say to make it better.

Loki refuses to look at him. “It was all for you,” he breathes. “Did you know that, Thor? I was brought home for you, for their real child… Heaven forbid their precious baby boy should have no brother to play with, to grow up alongside him… But it was all a lie. The entire time… I see now that I was only ever to be a toy for your entertainment.”

“Loki… That’s ridiculous,” Thor blurts.

Of all the imagined slights his brother has called upon in his hurt, this is one Thor refuses to sit and listen to. He has seen their mum, how she cries for having not seen her son in so long… How helpless she feels, unable to do more than wait for him to come home, having only Thor’s word to say that he is safe, that he will come home when time has passed and the ache lessened… She loves him, and for Loki not to see that… How dark it must be inside his heart.

Loki sneers. He has no problem in looking at Thor now, his twisted countenance as insincere as he can force it to be. He moves close, towering over Thor where he sits looking up at his little brother, whose face is unrecognisable to him now, distorted and ugly. “I never wanted to be your brother,” he hisses, leaning into Thor’s space so he can whisper the callous words into his ear, lies mixed in with truth so effortlessly, so smoothly. “I was _glad_ when the old fool told me that we share no blood.”

“Loki…”

“Did you think it hurt me to hear that, foolish brother?” It’s derisive, mocking, and Thor has no choice but to listen. “No, what saddens me is that I was not told sooner… That I was forced to remain there, to endure being a _prisoner_ in your home for as long as I was… That I was made to think of you as family when you are not my family at all.”

Loki lifts a hand, brings it to rest on Thor’s neck, half-tangled there in his blond hair. It’s a cruel imitation, a reversal of their earlier positions. Thor finds it hard to breathe with Loki so close to him, so dark and so unlike the little brother he remembers. He can feel the sting of Loki’s hate-filled words, like frost on his skin. He can feel how Loki’s wrath seeks one thing and one thing only… To destroy, destroy, destroy—it’s like a mantra… In the end, that hate will lead to Loki’s destruction too, Thor realises, and that’s all he cares for. He cannot stand aside and let his brother hurt himself more than he has already.

He can’t do that.

“Brother… Come here.”

Loki lashes out when he realises Thor’s intention but Thor is stronger than him, and Thor chooses to embrace him rather than fight. He holds Loki close to his chest as he should have done the last time their words turned to such hate. Loki, in return, is forced to straddle him but Thor cares very little for the awkwardness of their arrangement. “You are cruel, but you must know that I love you, in spite of your lies.”

“You truly are a fool then,” Loki returns but the words are warm, not cold, where they’re spoken into Thor’s neck.

It feels like the worst is over. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki’s lies hurt, but his truths? His truths are worse. That this should be a truth, it tears into Thor’s heart. He can hear the sincerity in Loki’s tone, and that makes it even harder to bear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](http://waldostiel.tumblr.com)

Loki doesn’t meet with Thor often but when he does there’s a set routine—one that Loki insists on. Thor doesn’t dare refuse him this control, not since their last fall out. He understands his mistake now. He knows that he needs to wait for Loki to talk to _him_ , that he can’t corner his little brother and expect it’ll earn him a positive reaction. So he waits, and Loki sends his succinct texts when he wishes, detailing times and locations that Thor knows are not up for discussion… He also knows that the chosen times aren’t as random as Loki likes to claim they are. Loki is aware of Thor’s schedule, after all… He knows what would be the most inconvenient times. 

It’s a test, Thor thinks but knows better than to accuse… Because, if the only way to get Loki back, to bring him home, is to play along with these mind games of his, Thor will play. And he will win. He has to win. 

Loki has a book laid open in his lap but Thor can tell he isn’t reading it. Loki hasn’t turned the page for as long as Thor has been there with him, waiting on him to speak. The library is silent. It’s almost empty at this time, save for a few people on the computers, and Thor feels restless. He’s never been one for quiet places. Loki, on the other hand… Loki seems to keep to his own company much of the time, though Thor isn’t sure whether or not that's his preference. “Loki?” He dares to voice, his voice as loud a boom as ever. 

His brother frowns then, a subtle furrow crease in his brow, and looks up. “Must you bellow _everything_ , Thor?” Loki rebukes, inclining his head ever so slightly towards the sign that politely asks for there to be quiet at all times. His own voice is noticeably hushed, an example of decorum for Thor to follow. “It’s uncouth.”

Thor beams, amused by his brother’s reprimand, but he makes the effort to lower his voice even so. “There’s no one around to complain,” he points out, knocking his knee into Loki’s own, the two of them sat cross-legged near the beanbags in the kid section. “The library is soon to close.”

Loki doesn’t answer but closes his book, casts it aside. When he looks at Thor, he seems… Nervous. “Thor,” Loki starts after some time, hesitant. “What I said…” He doesn’t need to say more than that for Thor to know to which conversation he refers. “I shouldn’t have been so callous.”

“Loki.” Thor isn’t sure of the emotion that’s evident in his tone; he isn’t sure what he wants to convey by saying his brother’s name in such a manner, only knows that he has to say Loki’s name, that it might soothe him somehow. 

Loki draws in a breath, averts his gaze. “When I confronted Odin.” He no longer stumbles in calling him that rather than dad, Thor notices. “I was… Distressed to learn the truth… It was like falling… It was like I had nothing holding me up and everything weighing me down, an impossible burden that I knew not how to relieve… It still feels like that.” Thor watches his brother swallow. He sees him twist his hands in his lap, an action telling of anxiety that he remembers all too well from their childhood. “I’m angry, Thor,” Loki whispers. “I’m so… I’m so _mad_ at him… At them… For keeping this from me all this time. Everything I knew… It’s all made up. It’s—”

Thor, sensing Loki is about to succumb to the pull of bitterness, interrupts. “I know this hurts, Loki,” he says, trying his best to placate. “But the lies don’t run as deep as you believe them to.” When Loki ducks his head, Thor reaches out to gently lift his chin again, forcing him to look—to see. This isn’t an attack; Loki has to see that Thor is on his side, that he has been all the time. “It isn’t wrong that you should feel angry,” Thor concludes. “But you have to let the anger go. You have to move on, for your own sake.”

Loki stares at him, eyes wide. He doesn’t try to pull away from Thor’s hold. No matter how kind a touch it is – how gentle – it locks him firmly in place all the same. “Thor…” He closes his eyes. “Brother.” Thor’s breath catches in his throat. He wants to speak, to hold Loki and tell him to come home… But he has learnt his lesson since the last time. Loki has to be the one to lead them through this dark patch, to guide them back out into the light… Thor holds his tongue instead, watches the shifts in Loki’s expression, the confliction. “There was truth in what I said… A part of me was glad… To learn that we are not true brothers.”

All the air trapped in Thor’s lungs escapes in one big whoosh. Loki’s lies hurt, but his truths? His truths are worse. That this should be a truth, it tears into Thor’s heart… He can hear the sincerity in Loki’s tone, and that makes it even harder to bear. He makes a move to retract his hand but Loki moves as well, covers Thor’s hand with his own and presses it to his cheek, holds it there. “Loki…” Thor’s voice is a rumble in his throat, rough with the strain of emotion.

Loki closes his eyes briefly. He turns his head to press a chaste kiss to the palm of Thor’s hand and murmurs, “Do not misunderstand me, Thor,” into the calloused skin. “That I should feel like this… I thought there was something wrong with me.”

“I don’t… Loki?” 

This time, Loki doesn’t try to stop Thor when he withdraws his hand. Thor can still feel the soft memory of Loki’s lips there, though, warm against the skin. He sees that Loki’s eyes are open again but glazed over; there’s a distance in them now that wasn’t there before. When Loki’s lips curl into a smile, it’s rueful. “Of course not,” he says. “I didn’t expect you to understand, Thor.”


End file.
